Who loves you?

The journey from the Earth to the Moon is one of the pivotal events in the history of the human race. The words, “That's one small step for man; a giant leap for mankind”, uttered by Astronaut Neil Armstrong on taking his first step on the Moon are instantly recognized around the world.

In our relationships, when faced with making a commitment and showing our true feelings it’s very much like making a journey to the Moon. The debate rages around fear of commitment and who says what first. Tremendous energy, time and space is being dedicated to analyzing when to say “I love you” and what to do depending on the other persons response. There are even strategies for trying to say “I love you”, without actually saying it! These three little words are so loaded with meaning, that after saying “I love you”, we might as well add, “three small words for mankind, a giant leap for me...” Once you say these three magic words the world does indeed change for the two people involved.

If it’s such a difficult thing to say and has such consequences, then why do people continue to say it? The answer is that the basis for a true romantic relationship is sincere and mutual commitment. We all have a fundamental need to be loved, a love that is beyond the love of parents, siblings and friends. Everybody needs to be loved and to love somebody. The sum of the creative works of humanity is a testament to mankind’s need for love.

The problem arises when one or both of the people in a relationship are not in love with each other. If they can be honest with themselves and each other, then they can establish that the basis of the relationship is something other than love and avoid making a commitment. If people could do this and easily have relationships without love, then most of the relationship advice industry would very quickly run out of work. The reality is that at least one person in every relationship thinks that the relationship is based on love or at some point has the chance of being so.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, there is no easy way to get around saying “I love you”, unless one is great liar or an Oscar winning actor. If in doubt, you can try saying the following lines while looking in the mirror and feel the truth for yourself:

“I like you”
“You mean so much to me”
“I really like you”
“You make feel special”

“I love you”

Feel the difference? The truth has a resonance that's very difficult to fake and, when it comes to love, you can bet everybody’s senses are tuned in at maximum sensitivity. When you are ready and truly say “I love you” to somebody this entails many things. To mention a few implications, it’s expected that you’re sincere, that you’ll be faithful and that you’ve given this matter some thought. Your statement is said with conviction about your feelings and in the hope that the other person can reciprocate your love, but it is by no means an expectation or obligation on the other person. This is the scary part about love, the fear of saying “I love you” and then hearing a very long and painful silence afterwards. The fear of this results in many people never being able to say what they feel.

For those people who are truly in love, not saying “I love you” to their loved one leaves them feeling empty and unfulfilled. Sometimes it’s not the response that’s important but the conviction which enables one to say “I love you”. The belief that you have found the right person and to have the emotion of love flowing in your heart is a feeling that is central to the meaning of life and for many worth the risk of unrequited love. As St. Augustine said, “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all”.

Who loves you? The answer is simple; it’s the person who has the conviction to say “I love you” and then lives up to all that these three words entail.

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